Forcing Discomfort

My ongoing existential crisis as a fashion retailer.

For the past 6 months, I’ve been working hard towards a big change which is now not happening and forcing me to change that which I did not aspire to change.

Those of you who’ve been following my antic writings here on Substack and on my social media, might remember the various stories and issues shared on looking to upscale my business, expand my business, grow my business and at the same experiencing some form of existential crisis.
Sounds fun, right?

Well, it turned out to not be fun and more stressful than I ever imagined.
I always had this misplaced idea that I could handle any situation imaginable when it comes to my line of work, having such a long experience in this field and having conquered so many obstacles the past years.
It turns out that I too, am just a very normal human being. Sorry mom.

In my previous post I wrote about the ongoing negotiations I had for a new space, a space where I imagined to do everything I wanted to do and show. More spacious, less noise, client dinners, artist events, meet the maker weekends, and so on.
Those negotiations kept going for a full 4 months, until July 2nd.
I pulled the plug on it.

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in life, in business, in being an entrepreneur, is to keep following my gut.
From the start, when the very first contact was made to discuss this space, something was off.
A not-so enthusiastic landlord, a slick real estate agent, an Italian ownership construction with shareholders for a building in The Hague.
Every proposal made was rejected.
Every request to turn it into something special was rejected.
Every step was delayed.
Every little thing turned into a new frustration.

Despite all that, I tried to stay patient and optimistic.
Looking at the opportunities it would bring me, how it could elevate the whole idea of Store Du Nord, building new experiences that would help grow my business.
Yet, something kept nagging.

As we were approaching the final talks and a deadline proposal was made by the landlord, a proposal in which none of my requests were accepted, I decided to take a step back and discuss with several peers how this whole process was going.
Unsurprisingly, all of those I discussed this with were not too keen to support me in this choice.
”Red flags, too many of them.”
”What if the global shit hits the fan and business comes to a halt, what goodwill will you have with this new landlord?”

I slept a few more nights on it and then, on the morning of July 2nd I decided to break down the negotiations.

After 4 months of negotiating for this space, and after starting 2025 with investment talks to scale up online, I was and am completely drained.
The toll these 6 months took on my mental health, my body and my personal life, have been quite intense and worrying.
It did however also open my eyes.

This wasn’t the first time I was exploring new ventures, expansions, upscaling, and so on. The past 3 years have seen me drafting new ideas, projects, relocations and so on. I’ve always openly talked about it yet it seems the universe is telling me to stay put where I am now, how I am now.
Sometimes I find it a bit embarrassing to, once again, show color and update the world around me that, once again, the plans won’t happen.
Forcing discomfort.

Experiencing this entire process and learning that I need to change and at the same time accept what I have now, has been very valuable. I wasn’t planning to change what I have now, how I work now, but I now understand that I have to change, accept and move forward.
Not only how the store moves and operates where it is now but also, changing how I think and how I plan to keep evolving with Store Du Nord.
Trying to understand that by staying “small”, I can keep growing and achieving goals.
Accepting that there is a different path to walk to get where I want to be, where I should be.

Having stopped those negotiations and accepting for myself that change can be done in more ways than one, I feel the tension and stress slowly disappearing.
Perhaps what this journey taught me the most is that this existential crisis of mine might just be self-inflicted. Trying to grasp why others can make those steps and expand their business but not me, has been confronting.
Understanding that, as a one-man show, nothing ever comes easy.
The weight one can carry is only so much.

I think I get it now. For now.