Will the egg crack?

My ongoing existential crisis as a fashion retailer.

From a position of serious discomfort, a relentless contemplation is testing the boundaries of my own comprehension.

For those of you who’ve read my previous posts in these series of existential crisis posts, you might remember the journey I am currently in both mentally and as an entrepreneur trying to move forward.
I’ve talked about online upscaling, relocating, and finding my reasons to exist as a retailer and entrepreneur.

I’m not there yet.
Not even close.
Apparently.

The past 2 months I’ve been having (dragging) talks for the ideal store space.
A space which is less visible, would attract dedicated believers of Store Du Nord and would open the door to a whole new culture street. From the outside and inside it is pretty much everything I’ve been looking for.
And it is not moving in the right direction.

Dealing with multiple parties involved, in any business matter, is never a good sign.
I’m dealing with four (!) parties, all who handle a specific bit of this space. From ownership to landlord, from real estate agent to real estate manager.
Somewhat ridiculous if you ask me, but it is what it is.

As these talks drag on, and as these parties involved don’t show the slightest enthusiasm towards me, I start to contemplate even more than I’m already doing in this existential crisis I’ve been experiencing the entire year.

I start to think about pulling the plug on the talks.
Not helpful, as I want to relocate.
I start to think about cranking up the assertiveness in the communication with these four parties.
Not smart, as they’ve got nothing to lose.
I start to think about closing my entire business.
Even more stupid, source of income apparently.

It seems my mental state can no longer comprehend what’s going on.
I have become lost on a train of thought, and I have zero clues if I can get back onboard again.

This metaphorical train has taken me to so many directions, that I now question every little and big aspect of everything I am doing. As a retailer, as an entrepreneur, as a human.

I wake up early in the morning and the very first thought that comes into this troubled brain of mine is, “why the fuck is this journey filled with obstacles day in, day out?”.
I spend morning-walks pondering about going offline with the webshop, a complete 180 in regards to ongoing talks and research on upscaling the online side of my business.
Many hours in the day, I’m people-watching and wondering, “what is it that makes us stress so much about so many little things in this life?”.

I just can’t seem to calm my mind at the moment and it makes me restless to such an extent, that I’m like an egg about to crack.
All that is contained safely inside that protective shell.
How much longer will it stay safe?
What happens when it cracks?
Perhaps it’s supposed to crack?
Let it all out and feed the soil around it.

In Japan, there’s a saying:

“If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember, trees lose their leaves every year, yet they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.”

I believe that for many people in similar struggles, whether with work or personal life, this resonates deeply.
We all experience those moments where we feel all is lost. Slipping out of our hands. Losing control.
Yet, when we reflect deeper on it, we’ll also remember that it is most likely not the first time that this has happened.
And we’re still here.

I’m not sure if I’m a tree.
Perhaps still the egg.
Definitely standing tall.

This post is a continuation of my continuous existential crisis as a fashion retailer.